Elisa’s Story: My New Journey as a Mom to My Son with Autism

By Elisa Malatesta, Caregiver at Surrey Place

Where do I begin? I can write a book about everything I’ve gone through as an Autism Mom.

When I received my son’s diagnosis, I remember feeling completely lost. The word “autism” echoed in the doctor’s office and felt foreign to me. I had a vague understanding of developmental differences, but autism? I had no idea what it truly meant for my child, let alone my family.

My initial reaction was denial. Was this a mistake? He’s going to talk soon; everything will be okay. So many thoughts were swirling in my mind. Can I handle this? What does the future hold? Would my son be happy? Would he struggle in school? The questions were endless.

Navigating resources was challenging and overwhelming. Balancing a full-time job and raising two children wasn’t easy. I felt unsupported. I did find speech therapy, books, workshops, and support groups that helped me get started.

But then came enrolling my son in school. It was hard!!! During the meetings, I often found myself crying, unsure of how to effectively advocate for my son. And the complex process within the school system.

Elisa and her son

After 12 years working full-time, the layoff happened. It felt like a devastating blow. The future felt uncertain and scary. However, this setback unexpectedly paved the way for a significant opportunity. After a 2 ½ year wait, my son was accepted to Surrey Place for IBI, Intense Behavioural Intervention. This acceptance meant withdrawing him from kindergarten, but it was a decision made with hope and anticipation.

The time dedicated to Surrey Place became invaluable. Attending meetings and parent training sessions equipped me with the knowledge and confidence to truly advocate for my son’s needs. Both my son and I thrived. He received specialized support, and I found my voice.

As a musician, I started singing different genres of music. Listening to songs that can fit my repertoire. In 2019, I discovered a song by artist Kelly Lévesque dedicated to an autism organization. The lyrics to “I Won’t Let Down” resonated deeply, and I was inspired to record a cover version. Witnessing Kelly’s active involvement in a fundraiser motivated me to start my own.

A year ago, I wrote, recorded, and released an original song, “You’re My Everything,” dedicated to my son. A heartfelt expression of my love and pride in his achievements. I had a successful fundraiser and concert and raised $2,000 for Surrey Place.

The journey of parenting a child on the autism spectrum is often filled with unique challenges and unexpected turns. But in the end, my son and I, and my family thrived. Together (and I quote from my song) we fly, spread our wings, conquer the world, and take in all the beautiful things!”

(From my song “You’re My Everything”)

By 2 months

Has your baby had their hearing screened? YES NO

By 6 months

Does the child?

Startle in response to loud noises? YES NO
Turn to where a sound is coming from? YES NO
Make different cries for different needs (hungry, tired)? YES NO
Watch your face as you talk? YES NO
Smile/laugh in response to your smiles and laughs? YES NO
Imitate coughs or other sounds such as ah, eh, buh YES NO

By 9 months

Does the child?

Respond to their name? YES NO
Respond to the telephone ringing or a knock at the door? YES NO
Understand being told no? YES NO
Get what they want through using gestures (reaching to be picked up)? YES NO
Play social games with you (Peek-a-Boo)? YES NO
Enjoy being around people? YES NO
Babble and repeat sounds such as babababa or duhduhduh? YES NO

By 12 months

Does the child?

Follow simple one-step directions (sit down)? YES NO
Look across the room to a toy when adult points at it? YES NO
Consistently use three to five words? YES NO
Use gestures to communicate (waves hi/bye, shakes head for no)? YES NO
Get your attention using sounds, gestures and pointing while looking at your eyes? YES NO
Bring you toys to show you? YES NO
Perform for social attention and praise? YES NO
Combine lots of sounds together as though talking (abada baduh abee)? YES NO
Show an interest in simple picture books? YES NO

By 18 months

Does the child?

Understand the meaning of in and out, off and on? YES NO
Point to more than 2 body parts when asked? YES NO
Use at least 20 words consistently? YES NO
Respond with words or gestures to simple questions (Where's teddy? What's that?)? YES NO
Demonstrate some pretend play with toys (gives teddy bear a drink, pretends a bowl is a hat)? YES NO
Make at least four different consonant sounds (p ,b, m, n, d, g, w, h)? YES NO
Enjoy being read to and sharing simple books with you? YES NO
Point to pictures using one finger? YES NO

By 2 years

Does the child?

Follow two-step directions (Go find your teddy bear and show it to Grandma.)? YES NO
Use 100 to 150 words? YES NO
Use at least two pronouns (you, me, mine)? YES NO
Consistently combine two to four words in short phrases (Daddy hat. Truck go down.)? YES NO
Enjoy being around other children? YES NO
Begin to offer toys to other children and imitate other children's actions and words? YES NO
Use words that are understood by others 50 to 60 per cent of the time? YES NO
Form words or sounds easily and without effort? YES NO
Hold books the right way up and turn the pages? YES NO
Read to stuffed animals or toys? YES NO
Scribble with crayons? YES NO

By 30 months

Does the child?

Understand the concepts of size (big/little) and quantity (a little/a lot, more)? YES NO
Use some adult grammar (two cookies, bird flying, I jumped)? YES NO
Use over 350 words? YES NO
Use action words such as run, spill, fall? YES NO
Participate in some turn-taking activities with peers, using both words and toys? YES NO
Demonstrate concern when another child is hurt or sad? YES NO
Combine several actions in play (puts blocks in the train and drives the train, drops the blocks off.)? YES NO
Put sounds at the beginning of most words? YES NO
Use words with two or more syllables or beats (ba-na-na, com-pu-ter, a-pple)? YES NO
Recognize familiar logos and signs involving print (Stop sign)? YES NO
Remember and understand familiar stories? YES NO

By 3 years

Does the child?

Understand who, what, where and why questions? YES NO
Create long sentences using five to eight words? YES NO
Talk about past events (trip to grandparents house, day at child care)? YES NO
Tell simple stories? YES NO
Show affection for favourite playmates? YES NO
Engage in multi-step pretend play (pretending to cook a meal, repair a car)? YES NO
Talk in a way that most people outside of the family understand what she/he is saying most of the time? YES NO
Have an understanding of the function of print (menus, lists, signs)? YES NO
Show interest in, and awareness of, rhyming words? YES NO
Read to stuffed animals or toys? YES NO
Scribble with crayons? YES NO

By 4 years

Does the child?

Follow directions involving three or more steps (First get some paper, then draw a picture and give it to Mommy)? YES NO
Use adult type grammar? YES NO
Tell stories with a beginning, middle and end? YES NO
Talk to try and solve problems with adults and with other children? YES NO
Show increasingly complex imaginary play? YES NO
Talk in a way that is understood by strangers almost all the time? YES NO
Generate simple rhymes (cat-bat)? YES NO
Match some letters with their sounds (letter b says buh, letter t says tuh)? YES NO